its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
