the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
