fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize