Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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