Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
