i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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