adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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