I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
