Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize