i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
