So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
