just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
