he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
