the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
