I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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