he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
