we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
