I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
