so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
