Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
