I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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