if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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