Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
