i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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