just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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