That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
