You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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