my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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