apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
