Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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