two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
