you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
