when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
