I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
