his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
