Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
