Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
