I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
