suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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