Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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