I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
