I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
