What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
