She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
