i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
