There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
