apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
