my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize