I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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