The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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