i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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