i would punch a child for taco bell
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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