I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
