Dude my mom stole all your condoms
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
