i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
