The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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