Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
