I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
