Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
