hell yes lets make some ravioli
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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