I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
