u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
