I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
