i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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