Already got asked if we're dating
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
