My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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