My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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