i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
