...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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